Hurt and Healing

The person who harmed you, is not the person who can heal you. Only you can do that.

So, it’s time to stop waiting for them to

  • wake up
  • change
  • see what they’ve done
  • be punished
  • feel remorse
  • beg forgiveness


The one who harmed you will most probably never know how much.

Your healing is not dependent on them, so stop waiting for them to make it right. Even if they want to, they can’t. They may have caused deep pain, but you are the one who can heal that pain. Then, what was inflicted upon you to diminish you and make you less, has the opposite effect and instead of falling down, you rise up to new heights.

Why do people get stuck?

Some people won’t progress beyond their trauma because they have become unwittingly attached to the identity that formed at the point of trauma. At the point of pain, as a means of navigating or coping, it inspires a new version of ourselves to take hold of our lives and move us forward. That new version of self that arises as a result of the pain, is not the true self, it’s a coping mechanism.

Who is the true self?

The true self, also called the higher self is your soul identity and what you came to this lifetime to re-embody and be transformed by. You then become a beacon of transformation for others because of your embodiment of this higher identity. The true self is often accessed through trauma because trauma creates an illusory self, and the illusory self creates misery. This misery drives people to soul search and dig deeper.





The person who hurt you does not have the power to heal you so that means that you

  • get to be powerful
  • get to let go of the story
  • the identity created because of the story
  • and access the true self


It also means you don’t need to wait anymore. You don’t need to wait for someone else to change so that you can heal. You can stop waiting for them to be punished so that you can feel relief. You can stop waiting for them to see the harm they have caused so that you can move on.

You can just move on.


The unexpected gift of healing:

When you move on, you stop holding something that most people don’t even know they picked up. When you experience trauma or harm inflicted upon you by another, in that exchange, you unwittingly pick up a part of their hurt and carry it with you. You don’t even know you’re doing that. Whether the person who caused you harm was a stranger or a friend, the fact that they could cause harm means that they were suffering misery and trying to project their misery upon you.

The self that enters the scene of the trauma, as a result of exposure to it, fragments at the energetic level. This can feel like shock. Imagine the person who is experiencing the trauma, with the fragments or shards of their energy body lying in a heap on the floor and not even realizing that intermixed in that debris, is the hurt and pain of the aggressor. The one who is abused tries to pick everything up off the floor, so to speak, and scoops up the pain that the abuser projected and unknowingly carries it with them.

When you heal, not only do you free yourself of the pain of the trauma, but you also stop holding the pain of the abuser. Because you’re not holding it anymore and it has nowhere else to go, it needs to return to its origin. The abuser, therefore, has their pain returned to them by the sheer nature of your healing. As humanity heals, the consequence to the abuser is great and unexpected. This is the natural order of things and a ripple effect of healing.

A note to the abusers

If you have abused others, instead of waiting for them to heal so that you can get those parts of yourself back, you can consciously call those parts of yourself back to you. Most abusers won’t do that because most abusers are very invested in blame of others, it appeases them. If you’re reading this however, and you find yourself identifying less with the victim and more with the abuser then healing is still possible, you just go about it differently. Over the years of my work, I’ve been delighted to see that healing is sought not only by the victim, but by the abuser as well. If the abuser heals then there is less for the victim to hold.

In truth

In truth there is a little bit of victim and a little bit of abuser on all of us, most of this occurs at the level of unconsciousness. It is only when we become more conscious that we begin to bring back all the lost parts of ourselves and regain wholeness. The truth is that often times, a victim enables an abuser, and an abuser enables the victim. The two of them are in a dance with each other and this can be two parts of your own nature that you can dance back into wholeness.




Back to the coping mechanism:

What a lot of people call their personality, is in fact their coping mechanism and not organic to their original blueprint. Our nature in the false matrix was not natural at all, so we landed up doing things that were not only unnatural to who we are, but very harmful. We became attached to the persona that guided us through the trauma, we tended to make saviors out of anything and that included this illusory self. Another name for the illusory self is the false self, or the ego.

This is why today; we have a society of people so attached to their ego that they defend their egos placement as their representative in the world. Ultimately, they’re opting for the illusion of safety by prolonging their stay in the known.

Our true nature that we enact in the organic universe, is the nature of change. We are meant to be constantly evolving. When we refuse change, we deny growth and evolution and empower constriction and torment, constantly choosing that because it offers the alluring charm of familiarity.

People defend their ego, believing that what they’re defending is themselves, but the truth needs no defense, only a lie does. A lie needs continual reinforcement and can never stand on its own because it doesn’t have the legs to stand on, it keeps collapsing because that is the nature of illusion. It’s like a puff of smoke. Nothing solid.

When people defend their ego, they become very protective over their victimhood and outraged at the possibility of letting that go. Just yesterday I read a blog by a popular psychologist who was saying that victims need to validate their trauma and that although they’ll never fully heal, denying the pain or imagining they caused it, is adding to their trauma. This is twisting what healing is and a thorough misunderstanding of the healing process. Healing is not denying pain, it’s disempowering the coping mechanism and dissolving the attachment to the new identity that was birthed because of it.



True healing is returning to the true self. When you’re in the core identity you feel like you’re whole and no remnant of the past remains. According to some pop psychology experts, this is a no-no because they say that it undermines what the victims have been through and that their new role in life, is to honor their trauma.

I’ve also read in pop psychology (I don’t know why I torment myself by reading this stuff) that trauma survivors will never be the same again after they have experienced trauma and should not try to be. I sort of agree, but only because the very role of trauma is to elevate you beyond where you were. Trauma can be used as catalyst to move beyond where you were before and a way of allowing a higher self to emerge. This does not mean we go looking for trauma, but if it comes you are the alchemist who transforms it into a higher expression.

This higher expression of self is not only trauma free, but living in gratitude and humility for what they went through, because they can see how it brought them to a point of healing. Right about now, those pop psychologists will be doing their head in if they read what I wrote. What?? Be grateful for the pain and trauma instead of resentful, depressed, angry, self-righteous and poised to defend what has now become their new identity of victimhood. Victimhood is not a super status that indemnifies you from being responsible, it’s a catalyst for growth.

Oh boy! This is how the healing industry became an industry, it keeps people in servitude and bondage to their pain, and instead of using guns and weapons to keep them there, they use pretty words like “validate your victimhood” and “I never asked for this”. Not bad phrases if you have others lined up to move you past the point of invalidating your power. The trauma was one experience of disempowerment but what I see in some approaches to healing is only more methods of disempowering people and promoting their pain. If I saw people healing because they were defending their role as victims, I’d be all for it. But that’s not what I’m seeing. Instead, I see people who are angry and becoming a lot like the abuser that once harmed them. People who defend their trauma don’t move past it. Yes, it’s important to validate it but it’s also important to validate that you have and have access to a higher consciousness, that is infinitely wise and abundantly loving, and has the capacity to transform this into pure light.



When children are traumatized, they won’t have the tools to deal with their trauma and they’re not yet emotionally responsible for themselves. For these children what heals them is who they’re surrounded by. People often want to teach children healing techniques. I have three children and I think that’s an irrelevant practice because children learn by the unspoken emotional behaviors of their parents. If they’re surrounded by adults who are empowered and capable of transmuting their own pain, then they will be too. All the more reason why we as adults are responsible to be the highest version of ourselves instead of the ones refusing to heal.

Now I’m not a psychologist so feel free to dismiss what I’m saying here and don’t use it as medical advice. But I am a spiritual teacher, and this is what I know because this is what I’ve seen:

Healing is possible, but to heal you need to give up your attachment to the trauma and stop defending the reasons why you can’t heal. Healing is not only a possibility, it’s an eventuality, but will you do it in this lifetime or the next 100? If you’re reading this blog, I have no doubt that you’re going to do it in this lifetime because if healing was not your intention reading this far would have been too triggering.


Below is a recent review from one of our tribe members. I’m sharing it below because I want you to see what true healing looks like. Way to go Andrea, and thank you for being an example.


recent review from PLT member Andrea


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From my heart to yours