The Two Steps That Turn Pain Into Power
The Two Steps That Turn Pain Into Power
I had a spectacularly crap day recently.
Technically, nothing happened to me. Nobody died. Nobody sent me a terrifying email. My house remained upright and nobody drove through the lounge.
I had simply spent too much time looking at humanity behaving badly.
You know the sort of thing. Someone posts something online, somebody else mocks them, then fifty people pile on because apparently cruelty becomes more socially acceptable when performed in a group.
And yes, I know this is hardly breaking news. Humans have been mocking other humans for a very long time. We just have better Wi-Fi now.
But every so often it really gets to me.
I see someone being humiliated for the entertainment of strangers, or watch people laughing at another person’s pain, and something in me wants to scream, how can you not see what you’re doing?
That day, I couldn’t shake it.
My chest tightened, my pulse climbed, and the more I saw, the more I noticed. Mockery. Cruelty. People enjoying the suffering of people they had decided deserved it.
And underneath my anger was an enormous sadness about humanity.
How can we do this to each other? How can somebody’s pain become entertainment? How can cruelty be applauded? How can we be this far from remembering what we are?
Then came the thought that stopped me in my tracks.
I don’t want to live in a world like this.
Excuse me?
Because I very much want to be here.
I have a husband I adore, three children I adore, and a life I couldn’t once have imagined having. I want the whole ridiculous, beautiful thing. I want more of it.
That was the illusion speaking through me. I had focused on darkness for so long that I had begun to echo it, and the moment I heard myself say, “I don’t want to be here,” I knew just how far I had wandered from my own truth.
That was when I stopped looking at what was wrong with everybody else and looked at me.
And that is where the healing began.
It came down to two things.
See it.
Take responsibility for it without blaming yourself.
That’s it.
Annoyingly simple, really.
Step one: See it
Seeing sounds easy until the thing you need to see is sitting in a blind spot.
That’s rather the defining feature of a blind spot. You can’t bloody see it.
So life helps.
It sends a person, an argument, a comment, a rejection, a memory, a media clip, or some other deeply inconvenient event to put a finger directly on the thing you haven’t been able to see.
My mistake that day was thinking my rage was entirely about what I had witnessed.
It wasn’t.
What I had seen was genuinely upsetting to me. I don’t need to pretend cruelty is lovely in order to call myself spiritual, and neither do you.
But something else was happening.
The grief I witnessed had touched grief in me.
Old grief.
Grief I had not completely allowed myself to feel.
And instead of feeling it, I became angry.
This distinction matters.
The anger wasn’t wrong. Using anger to avoid what was underneath it was where I lost myself.
Seeing is not analysing either. I’m not talking about climbing into your head with a torch and spending six hours investigating why you are the way you are.
Seeing is simpler.
This is here.
This hurts.
This is mine.
No prosecution. No defence. No twelve-page spiritual incident report to be filed with the high council of good and evil.
Just truth.
Step two: Take responsibility without blame
Once I could see what was actually happening, I had a choice.
I could continue raging at the people on the screen and make them responsible for what was now happening inside me.
Or I could take responsibility for what their behaviour had revealed to me, about me, within me.
Those are very different things.
Taking responsibility does not mean saying the other person did nothing wrong. It does indemnify them from the consequences of their actions.
It does not mean turning cruelty into kindness, abuse into a lesson, or somebody else’s terrible behaviour into your fault.
It means recognising:
What is happening inside me now belongs to me, regardless of who triggered it and how wrong they were.
And if it belongs to me, I can meet it.
That is power.
Blame says, You did this to me, therefore you must change so that I can be free.
Self-blame says, I did this to myself, therefore I am the problem.
Responsibility says, this is here. I am willing to meet it.
Only one of those gives your power back.
What was underneath the rage?
Grief.
Plain old grief.
Except grief is rarely plain or particularly well mannered.
It gathers things.
One sadness touches another, which remembers another, which opens the cupboard where you’ve been storing something from seven years ago beside a dead pet, an old heartbreak and three things you were definitely going to deal with “when you had time”.
Suddenly you’re crying about everything.
That was the wave I had been avoiding.
I had mistaken vulnerability for weakness, so I reached for something that felt stronger.
Rage.
Rage gave me armour.
Grief asked me to take it off, no, it demanded it.
And there was my blind spot.
I had been so busy judging what I saw as darkness outside myself that I hadn’t noticed the way my reaction to it was pulling me away from my own light.
My focus on their lostness had made me feel lost.
My focus on their hatred had filled me with pain and sorrow.
The darkness I was witnessing had become the loudest thing in my own inner world.
That doesn’t mean we must look away from darkness.
Quite the opposite.
We need to be able to look directly at darkness without forgetting to bring our light with us.
That was what I had forgotten.
Take your light with you.
That realisation changed everything.
I didn’t need to convince myself that what I’d witnessed was okay.
It wasn’t okay with me. It was never going to be.
I didn’t need to forgive anyone on command, manufacture a higher perspective or sprinkle spiritual glitter over something ugly.
I needed to stop abandoning myself while looking at it.
So I let the grief come.
I cried.
Not elegantly.
There were no violins.
Nobody appeared with an award for outstanding emotional processing.
I just let myself feel what was there.
And, as so often happens, the feeling I had spent so much energy avoiding was nowhere near as frightening once I actually allowed it to move.
The armour dropped.
The rage no longer had a job.
And underneath it was me.
Still here.
Still loving life.
Still capable of seeing something I found deeply disturbing without letting it decide who I became in response.
That is where our power is.
Healing does not require you to become less human
We have made healing far more complicated than it needs to be.
We imagine the healed version of ourselves will never get triggered, never become furious, never wobble, never say something unfortunate and certainly never need twenty minutes alone because humanity has exceeded its daily allowance of nonsense.
I don’t believe that.
Healing hasn’t made me less human.
It has made me more willing to see myself while I’m being human and at the same time to reconnect with me divine self, and bring that into embodiment.
That’s the work.
See what is here.
Take responsibility for what is yours.
Then meet it without making yourself wrong for having it.
That is how pain becomes something else.
Not because you defeated it.
Because you finally stopped running away from the part of yourself that was carrying it.
Becoming the light in dark places
That sounds lovely until you discover the dark place is inside your own reaction.
That’s when it gets interesting.
Being the light does not mean standing above humanity with a serene expression while secretly wanting to throttle everybody.
It means bringing consciousness into the exact place where you are hurting, raging, frightened, grieving or lost.
That is where alchemy happens.
Not somewhere above the human experience.
Right bloody inside it.
When I finally saw what was happening that day, I became present with myself again.
The grief moved, the rage softened. And the thought I don’t want to be here disappeared as quickly as it had arrived. In its place was something incredibly simple. Gratitude.
I was grateful to be alive.
The world hadn’t changed.
The people in the clip hadn’t changed.
What changed was where I was standing inside myself.
And perhaps that’s the piece we miss when we talk about personal power.
Power isn’t always the ability to change what is happening around you and it’s certainly not the ability to change other people’s behaviour by force.
Sometimes power is being able to meet what is happening within you without losing yourself to it. It’s the ability to be the example for others, not the enforcer.
You see it.
You take responsibility for it.
You bring your light with you.
And eventually, something that once had the power to pull you into darkness becomes another place where you learned how to turn the light on. And that my friends is alchemy, the transmutation of one frequency into another. The act of turning dark to light and illusion to truth. It’s not about banishing one or putting it in the naughty corner until it learns to behave, it’s about exposing it to light until it remembers that it is light.
If you’re asking, “But how?”
Knowing these two steps intellectually is one thing. Being able to find yourself when you’re knee-deep in an actual emotional shitstorm is another.
That is much of the work we do inside the Plasma Light Tribe. We practise presence, neutrality and the kind of healing that becomes lived rather than merely understood, because there comes a point where another explanation won’t take you any further.
You have to experience it because that is how we become lighthouses for each other. Not be running up and down the shore yelling at others to avoid the rocks, but by shining our light for others so that they may see.
Explore The Plasma Light Tribe
From my heart to yours
Oh, Kerry 🔥🔥🔥🔥❤️🌹🙏🏾
THANK you for your BRIGHT CLARITY 💎
So GRATEFUL to be able to deepen the experiencing and visceral understanding of what you present by being part of our PLT consciousness.
Honour and gratitude to all!
🌹🦋🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
It’s a gift to be walking this path with you, Eva (ava).
From my heart…
Not sure if you realize how profound and funny you express yourself.Deep insights mixed with very real human reactions are blended so beautifully. I am so honored to hbe a part of the PLGT and can’t imagine any better place to do this work at this momentous time. Loved your family vacation photos! Be well friend
Thank you so much for your kind words, Elaine. They truly warm my heart.
I’m honoured to walk this path with you.
Much love
I ADORE YOU KERRY! SO WISE, SO WELL-SPOKEN, SO AUTHENTIC! THANKS FOR THE MEDITATION TOO!
I feel your love, Penny. And I send it right back with gratitude wrapped in gold.
Your work and especially this text helps me sooooo much … more than I could ever say in words. Thank you so much Kerry.
Thank you Eva Maria for your kind words. They lit up my heart.
Much love xx
I had to copy and paste and blow this up to a bigger word level so I could read it. And it was so worth it. You’re writing is the most beautiful experience of my life. better than the videos, podcasts and anything else you have done. Thank you for writing words I never want to stop reading.
If you only knew how much your words mean to me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
From my heart to yours, so much love…
I agree!
Sending you much love, Susan
Thank you Kerry for sharing. Sharing the truth, authenticity and vulnerability.
Your words have been so inspiring!
Last week I had my own messy human experience moment. I would call these experiences ‘reallife shadowwork’. I was being triggered, in different areas of life, the biggest one i felt over was the lack of personal sovereignty, how many people are so willingly giving their power away to authorative figures who eagerly accept other people their power. With all kinds of behaviors i dont necessarily want to participate in anymore as a result. I expressed myself somewhere in a place on the internet that somewhat felt safe to me, to help me figure this mess out. Because of the expressing of my raw, vulnerable and messy human experience, i started feeling bad about myself. As if I had done something incredibly bad or stupid and could be berated or made fun of every next moment. I shared that too. Which led me to the “cooking point” where i broke down in tears. It was never about all the triggers and behaviors that followed. It was about never being allowed, to have the real human experience. My parent was not capable of allowing me my pure, raw human experience, allowing me to develope a solid self and for that i cried the most. Those tears came from verry deep, and carry a lot of grief with them.
Kerry, you were there with me, every step of this raw, messy human experience. Because you have shared parts of your raw, messy human experience, i was able to, i believe you would call that. Meet myself where i am. Experience all of it. Not just the fun and games part. Also the messy parts. For the first time i was able to not feel ashamed about the ‘reallife shadowwork’ experience and sharing about it. Normally i would totally downgrade myself, make myself smaller etc. This time It feels as if i am still standing tall!
Thank you for showing and teaching me (all of us) the way 🙏🏼
It takes courage to feel, and even more to be seen in that feeling.
You’ve done both here. I honour you. x
Thank you so much for sharing ❤️🥰😘
You are so welcome Gunnar x
Woooooo…. Soooo helpful to read written out and to feel this process with you, Kerry🩷🙏🏾
Thank you for showing us your vulnerability, light and courage and the way back🔥🩷
The meditations are sacred too 🔥🤍
I am so DEEPLY BLESSED to be in body with you ❤️🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Awww, thank you my angel for your beautiful comment and for sharing your love so generously. xx
I have been a teacher or facilitator of Spiritual Studies for at least 30 years now. I am 79 years young this December so have had more than enough experiences in this lifetime. Sathya Sai Baba impressed upon me that my journey in this lifetime was to work on my character and to do that meant I had to master staying stable in the ups and downs of life to be able to live in equipoise and love. The most important practice was to be the watcher, the observer and not get caught up in the dramas of the world. It works.
Kerry, you make a very valuable contribution to humanity, and the Universe will be smiling upon you.
Namaste and many Blessings, from my heart to Yours.
Thank you for your kind words.
So much love
Thanks. Much love and respect Natalie.
Kerry, “I don’t want to be here” was a problem of half of my life. Fortunately or not, I was not surrounded by anything friendly, nor loving right from the beginning.. When I stayed in Paris for 9 yers or so, I got so much rage, I decided to go against the system, but it only made me depressed. Fortunately, I read some spiritual books from teachers like Krishnamurti and Eckart Tole to understand how to deal with the heavy bolder inf my mind crashing my Sol… that allowed to turn that heavy dark bolder into beach sand shimmering in light. Thanks for sharing the old truth of courage, presence and awareness at work!
Thank you for receiving it, and for doing the real work.
Wow Kerry, I am blessed to have found you. Your words are inspiring, spoken like a true beacon of light. Choosing to show us your vulnerability is a lesson to us all. Thank you for your authenticity and thank you for your courage. All my love Dor
I’m so glad it found you when it did. x
Hallo Kerry, Sie sind ein Segen für die Menschheit. Dankeschön. In tiefen Dankbarkeit Clarissa
Thank you so much Kerry,
I needed this message today to remind myself of my own light and the power of alchemy.
Love, all the way from Germany
Tanja
Sending you love
That was such a powerful lesson! Thank you for sharing this amazing process with us. I will save this and refer back to it if and when I find myself overwhelmed by anything. You have an incredible gift of communicating in the most succinct way that is so easy to understand and follow. Thank you and bless you Kerry.
Thank you for the reminder that our strength lies in compassion and being! Much love Darlin’ !
You are so welcome Jackie x
I’m so glad it resonates Sandy. It really warms my heart.
Thank you
Wow! Thank you Kerry for your truth. I’ve had those days where I said to myself I really don’t want to be here anymore and I guess I didn’t realize until now that was me giving my power away I guess I assumed that was how I should feel because we live in a false matrix. I have a day to day struggle within myself to love others outside of my family of course. It’s something I really don’t know how to be better at. The fact that you are grateful to the show host for showing you your blind spot really kind of blows me away. Thank you for your wisdom 🩷
Holding you in so much love dear Kelly
Hi Kerry this is exactly what I needed to read today and thank you once again for the nuggets of gold in that one blog.
That’s why I love being a member of the Plasma Light Tribe , I am truly held and loved whist being supported in becoming my rawest authentic self .
Words cannot express my gratitude that I have for Kerry and the rest of the tribe.
Love to everyone ❤️
I hold your journey and your light with deep reverence.
Thank you for being here.
Hello Kerry
Beautiful deep,was your video,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
This beautiful ,transformation from agressivity,to adeeper state,of conciousness,,,,liberating you
is extraordinary,beautifull,and deep
Franca,,,,,,,,,,,,from Montreal PQ LOVE YOU
I feel your love dear Francine. And I send it right back with gratitude wrapped in gold.
Thank you for this powerful insight. Your experience so resonates with me, because as I heard the voices of hate responding to the Charlie Kirk situation, I felt my own anger arise, because I wanted them to stop, and then I realized I must acknowledge the anger in myself and transform it. Thank you so much for your clarity and authenticity.
I’m so glad that you found this blog helpful Carol. Thank you for sharing.
Much love
DANKE!!!
Authentisch sein – auch wenn es schwerfällt. Jetzt ist es an der Zeit! Beruflich wird bei mir immer mehr verlangt (zusätzliche Aufgaben …) Früher hätte ich mich nicht getraut zu sagen: ich brauche PAUSE!!! Meine GESUNDHEIT ist mir wichtiger. Ich Nachhinein war “meine Aktion” gut – vermutlich hilfreich für einige Kolleg/innen.
You are so welcome Sabine
Thank you for sharing and being so open and vulnerable. It reminds me of a recent post I saw from one of our friends who asked a simple question of is there anything good anywhere. I read some of the responses which all went down the path of not really, life sucks, etc. I wrote a simple, yes, there is good in every day. I know he is going through some losses and is in pain, but if we just choose to focus on the negative, we won’t see/feel the amazing miracles that exist, even if it just a simple flower that brings joy in a moment.
I cannot express how much being part of the PLT has helped me grow and continue to grow. We are on an amazing journey and I used to want to get off this planet but now I find myself grateful to be part of the ascension experience and super excited to see how amazing it is going to get!
Sending healing love for your knee.
Thank you Stephanie for being on this path and for rippling your light.
How good can this get?! x
Dear Kerry,
I just listened to your blog entry – and it moved something deep inside me. Not because I’ve never heard about pain, surrender, or healing. But because I felt you. I felt the moment you spoke of your knee, the silence of the bedroom, the care of your children and husband – and the stillness that’s sometimes harder to endure than any pain.
And I knew: I’ve been there too.
Not just once. Not just physically. Life has brought me to my knees more than once – literally and soul-deep. And yet, like you, I always knew: This is not the end. This is becoming.
You spoke of two steps – awareness and presence. And I believe they are everything.
They are what kept me breathing when no one else saw me.
They are what brought me home to myself, again and again.
And yes – receiving can be the hardest act of trust. Especially when we’re used to giving, guiding, holding space. But isn’t it so sacred, when life gives us the invitation to be held for a moment?
Thank you for sharing your moment.
It opened a door. A remembrance. And a resonance.
I don’t follow anyone blindly – but I walk with those who carry truth.
And today, you carried it gently, bravely, with that soft fire only true love knows.
From one soul to another – thank you.
I’m walking, still. Step by step. With the Source in my bones.
Ama’rié, always
🌀🌿
SelMa – Sister of Light
Germany / Ghana / Everywhere in between
G’day Kerry 🙂
I recently felt rage that Kinda scared me as it felt so powerful all encompassing. Similar to you, I am so excited to be here and watch this all unfold, so when this rage came I instantly took notice, knowing that was not me and took back my power/light. So grateful to God Source that I wanted to thank someone for God but ‘All That Is’ is all that is 😇
The path home is never walked alone.
It’s an honour to walk beside you SelMa
soul to soul, light to light.
I am so grateful for your share Kerry. I have been navigating something similar, a diagnosis of a condition that I have long feared, my trigger resulted in anger at the people who made the diagnosis. I am not handling my trigger as elegantly as you did, but I am grateful that I recognise some of the steps you described. Onwards and upwards!
You’ve got this Jane. Sending you so much love x
Thank you for sharing these thoughts and your experience. It mirrored my own this weekend. I am still in the “I don’t want to be here” state but I don’t have children at home now to give me that anchor. I’m glad for you that you do have that connection.
It is important for me to remember that most of the energies and emotions I feel may not be my own but are from the cosmos and where the planet is traversing thru. All this is hitting the collective and causing so much chaos to be released. My meditations also wrap around this planet into the cosmos as you say your new one does too.
I am so grateful to have your thoughts and counsel to remind me that others may be thinking and experiencing what I am.
I hope your knee heals quickly. 🥰
Dear Toni, what you shared is a mirror for many.
Thank you for giving your story voice.
You’re helping others find their own.
Comment *Wow Kerry so powerful and vulnerable.thank you for that. Love Claudia
You are so welcome Claudia.
Much love