Think of something you desperately wanted

but you’re so glad you never got

What’s it for you?

For me, it was my dream of feeling safe in the world. I used to burn with desire for that one thing that I really believed would make my life better. I used to imagine the feeling of just relaxing into the world, craving that feeling of ease, freedom and belonging. Wow! I wanted it bad but I was wrong in so many ways and here’s why …

Feeling safe in the world was always about feeling safe to be me and that was never something that the world could give me. I’m so glad they didn’t, I’m so relieved they couldn’t. I’m so blessed to have seen what I was waiting for, so that I could stop waiting for others to give me what they never had the power to.

To my teenage mind, it perfect sense that because I needed to feel emotionally safe in the world, so the world had to change to suit me. Yes, that was it … in my younger brain the equation was simple: I needed to feel safe in the world, so that world had to fix itself for me. For those of you who know me now, you’ll wonder how the Kerry you know today was the same Kerry I’m describing, but I had my moment of being totally lost to the false matrix too.

I wondered how I would convince the world to change, I’d need to show them of the validity of my cause, whether they were interested or not. In fact, if they weren’t interested then they would be called names like selfish and uncaring. Perhaps I’d need to show them how bad they were. Perhaps I could guilt and shame them into being better behaved so that I could finally feel safe in the world.

What a daydream!!

All I would have accomplished with that mindset was entrenching myself as the victim of society and proving my theory that the world was not a safe place for me to live in. I’d actually have created a world for myself, that was the exact opposite of what I wanted.

Need help changing your world?

My short sightedness was believing that someone else could give me what I needed to give myself.

I needed to give myself permission to be safe in the world by making me a safe world to live in. I needed to first become my own world, so that I could become my own universe. Believe it or not when I first realized that I had to do this, I got heavily confused but that’s the defect of trying to understand this journey of personal growth at the linear, logical level. The only way to understand this truly, it to do it fully. That’s what I did and only now that I understand it can I explain it and teach it.

You will become your own universe.

Those words echoed in my mind for years, I knew that it is what I would become because I kept feeling those words being relayed into me. But boy oh boy, I totally misunderstood what that meant.

I thought something like this:

ohmigoodness, if I become my own world then no one else will be in it and I’ll be totally alone. No Kerry, not even close!

Little did I realize, when I became my own world, I would cease experiencing myself as singular and separate and begin fostering a broader sense of self that included myself in totality. Put that another way, I began to be aware of an identity that was also me but not limited to the individual human. I began accessing the monad (oversoul) of me and then, once I knew what it was to be my own world I could become my own universe. That’s when I went beyond the experience of the oversoul into pre-consciousness, that’s an experience of God where you are aware of yourself as the creative essence of all that is. At this place there is no concept of lonely because there is no concept of a singular and separate self. Everything you feel, see, touch, taste and experience is a part of you, and you are a part of it. Separation ends and wholeness begins.

Ready to be the change?

So, not only did I need to give myself what I wanted others to give me, I needed to become my own world.

I needed to stop waiting for the world to change, I needed to become the change. I needed to realize the world would never be safe for me until I felt safe within me, as me. I needed to live in the world and make me safe in it … safe to be me … that was something that only I could ever give to myself. It was permission to be me fully. Permission to show up as me, fully.

Permission to accept my Kerryness, and to realize that what anyone else did with it was none of my business.

When I stopped waiting for the world to meet my needs, I stopped giving my power away and I became powerful.

Looking for a guided meditation or short course?

I’m so glad that I never got what I imagined would make my life worth living and instead, I started living in a way that made my life worthwhile. No one could give me that and if they did, I’d always be at the mercy of a world that I had no power in. How terrible for me! I guess you could say that I did get what I wanted, but not from who I wanted it from or in the way I thought I needed it. Today my world is safe because I made myself safe to be me.

I learned to acknowledge the moments when I don’t feel safe and they’re usually the moments where I’m not accepting myself.

When I take responsibility to meet my needs, then my needs stop being needs and I start feeling safe.

My healing journey is one that I openly share, in the hopes that it helps something slot into place for you too. I’m not perfect, and perfection is not my goal but being perfectly real with myself – now that’s a goal I’ve got and it inspires me every day.

The more real I got, the more healed I got and the more love I could let in. The more love I could let in, the more love I could breathe out and be a ripple of love where love is needed the most.

Access my in-depth teachings today

from my heart
all the way to yours